Past regrets

So...here's my dilema. So I'm at my new job and it's ok. not exciting, but stable. Non-stressful. So my friend Harry, who used to work at lifetouch with me called and said there's a slight possibility that someone where he works is about to get fired and he thinks I would be a great person to take her place. He works as a photographer on the air force base and the job I would be up for is in their studio..standard military portraits. Pay is good and I will actually still be taking pictures which I love. There looking for someone with a degree which is good for me, but they are also looking for someone with a portfolio which I do not have. How did I graduate from college with no portfolio? How did I go another 4 years as a photographer without one image I would deem good enough to go in a portfolio. Don't get me wrong...I did good work for Lifetouch...unfortunately it was basically contract work for a company that photographs underage students. I've asked to see if i could use any of that for a portfolio, and i haven't got a definate response yet..ya know things have to be checked into. But even if i do, I know it will probably be this big ordeal of finding the 20 out of a thousand photographs and then obtaining written permission from every person to let a perfect stranger have access to their senior photo for her own personal use. Doesn't sound like something protective parents would allow their kids to sign up for.

So I don't know what to do. Odds are, I would love this job so much more than the one I have now, not to mention it also pays more. I could probably swing a decent resume and my references always gives me glowing reviews. But will they take someone who has nothing to show. No examples of what I can do, and who's to say what I can do is all that great anyway. I've always felt like a decent photographer..but not good. I'm not overly passionate about my work. I'm not addicted to photography, but I love it. So is what I have enough? I don't take it upon myself to just photograph things because I want to. I love the mission, I love having an assigment. I need to have direction. So...is there anyone out there that would like to give me an assigment. Probably the only thing that will motivate me to get off my butt. Leave me an assignment on my blog and I will get to it and share my results. What would you like me to photograph? I have a lot of creative friends..surely someone will think of something to help me. I'm drowning in my own self-doubt. Can I really do this? do I have what it takes to be more than a mediocre photographer.

I'm trying to convince my husband to let me take online digital photography courses with the Academy of Art University in San Fransciso, which is I school I would have loved to have gone to right after my intership. Unfortunately they are very expensive and I was already in debt and couldn't afford tuition and moving. Now they have these online courses I really want to take, but their classes are $600 an hour. 3 hours per course. Which is very expensive. for me anyway. So I really want to go and think it will offer training that will help me get a job. But it's expensive. And I wonder if it is worth it in the long run. I think it probably would be...but I'm not sure. And that's a lot of money to put down on a gamble. Any thoughts? suggestions?


Also...any prayers that this new job will in fact be open and be mines would be greatly appreciated:)